On Wednesday, I have my next appointment with the endocrinologist. As wrote in my post a week ago, I have the slight hope that my insulin levels may be back to normal already. I have no idea if they are, but I have lost about 10kg since the last tests were done* and I am no longer obese so there is a chance that made a big enough difference.

But to be perfectly honest, I am not sure what I want the endocrinologist to tell me. That my insulin levels are back to normal and that I should stop taking the Metformin, or that I should continue to take it another three months. Why?

Because aside from lowering my insulin levels**, Metformin is supposed to have a positive effect on weight loss. I have not been losing at a much faster rate than I used to a few years ago, but I don’t know how much of my weight loss can be attributed to the Metformin and how much of it is healthy diet and exercise. I certainly seem to lose at a faster rate than most of my friends on MyFitnessPal.

Part of me wants to go off the Metformin because I want my insulin levels to be normal and I hate taking a drug like Metformin, and part of me wants to stay on it, because losing weight has been going so well for me, and I am worried it won’t go as well when I stop taking the Metformin.

And of course then I berate myself for essentially thinking of Metformin as a weight loss drug and for wanting to stay on it so I can keep losing weight ‘easily’, because, well, how mentally unhealthy is that?

The truth is, I don’t know how much of my weight loss is due to the Metformin. I prefer to think that it is all due to my discipline, healthy eating and regular exercise, because I am really pleased with the past three months, but I don’t know for sure that it is.

I really dislike when people say, ‘oh yeah you’ve lost a lot of weight, but then you are taking Metformin,’ because it takes away from my accomplishment. Yes, I take Metformin, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t still completely turned around my life. Metformin doesn’t make me go running every other day, even when it’s 4C outside. Metformin doesn’t make me say no to chocolate when a co-worker offers me some. That’s me. But they may be a little right insofar that I may not have lost as much weight as I have, had I not been on Metformin for the past three months.

So as much as I anticipate the appointment on Wednesday because I know how great I have been doing, and I want some good news for once, I am also dreading it a little, because I don’t know if I really want to go off the Metformin just yet.

* I had my endocrinologist’s appointment in July, when I was about 94 kg – I gained another 3 kg before I started losing weight, so I have ‘only’ lost 10 kg since then, not the 13 kg I have lost since my highest weight in August.

** Lower insulin levels also have a positive effect on weight loss, but that is only what the body should be doing anyway. Higher insulin levels inhibit weight loss, even make you gain weight, and the Metformin reverses that. But on top of that Metformin decreases absorption of glucose, so it has an ‘unnatural’ positive effect on weight loss as well.